The crazy thoughts in my head: April 2007

The crazy thoughts in my head

The crazy things in my head

Monday, April 30, 2007


Since today is workers day, I decided to do this "I love my job/I hate my job thingy"
1. I can wear anything i want, i can wear jeans, ankara e.t.c (Even on a Monday morning)
2. You get to hear all the new songs first! & You are surrounded by all this music
3. You meet lots & lots of people, from celebrities to govt officials
4. People hear your voice more than they see you, so they start imagine all sorts of stuff, they start to imagine that you must "look like your voice".
5. You get to talk about whatever you want (To an extent)
6. The freebies, the many doors that open for you once you mention your name, endorsement deals and so on
7. The relationships & friendships that develop with so called "celebs" , get to hear their "gist" and then you remember that they are just human.
8. The fact that a particular thing you may have said or a song you played made someones day.

1. Irregular hours
2. The fact that millions are listening and what I say might rub someone the wrong way/or when
i make a mistake on air and i imagine how many people heard my mistake!!!
3. The way some male "celebs" crack on you.
4. People who when they meet me & say...." you are so and so.......i thought you would be tall and fair (what the hell???)
5. Getting phone calls from all sorts of people..........up & coming artists...........people who got your number from God knows where & just want to say "hi"
6. People wrongly assuming you are swimming in cash.

Now back to My Ex is Gay pt2

At first i wanted to run, but i decided against stood my ground. I looked Al straight in the eye and said " I just wanted to get my stuff", i then grabbed a plastic bag and proceeded to stuff it with unnecessary stuff like my bathroom slippers, a DVD i left on the table and so on...............
Al finally said, "Meet my friend George, he just got into town", I turned to George and gave one of the most plastic smiles ever. I turned to Al and said, I'll see you later. My legs were shaking, i was sweating, i didn't know what to think. I went back to my room and sat by the window. Coincidentally, i had a view of the parking lot and i sat there for hours waiting, wishing & hoping Al would get into his car and drive "George" home, He didn't!

I decided to do some more investigation and i went to the Night watch desk (A security post situated at the entrance of the dorms, as from 8pm, all students are required to Sign In their guests, by writing their names at the register) Luckily, the person at the night watch desk was a friend as well, so she allowed me peek into the register, there was no record of Al's friend George! Meaning that Al and George had been in his room all along, even BEFORE 8pm!
Why did he have to lie if he had nothing to hide? Why didn't he say he was hanging out with his friend and he would see me later? I eventually went to bed and the next morning, i went to class without AL. At lunch time, i marched to his room, cos i couldn't take it anymore, i needed an explanation, I needed to hear something! even if it were a bunch of lies (Pathetic abi?)

He opened the door and the first thing he said was, "Why did u break into my room? What was that about?" I was like.........."Why did u lie?"

Al: I didn't lie, i just got back earlier than i was supposed to...........

Me: That's bull! I checked the register downstairs and it showed that you didn't register George, that means u were here all along, you were here when i called, why didn't you just....(He cuts me off)........

Al: Its obvious you don't trust me, spying on me like that..................(I cut him off)

Me: I wont spy if you don't lie! I wont spy, if you don't do suspicious stuff!

Al: I don't know why you don't trust me, especially with a guy! George is gay so what? A lot of my friends are gay! I'm so open with you, I'm so honest with you...........i usually never let anyone get this close, i take you out with me, i introduce you to my or straight.........what else do you want from me...................(While he's ranting, i notice a mattress on the floor)

Me: What the hell?(Raising my voice) George spent the night?

Al: And? He slept on the floor if you must know!

Me: This is too much for me, I'll talk to you later!

(I storm out of the room, more confused than ever)

I started to feel sick, i then started to think and it was like scales fell from my eyes, everything started to click- Most, if not all Al's friends were gay or Bi, I had gone clubbing with them to some gay clubs and everyone seemed to know Al (even the drag queens!) As for the drag queens, That's another post entirely! Al was also very effeminate.
I had seen a couple of funny text messages on Al's phone from some chick named Tiffany. Only for Al to later tell me that "Tiffany" was also a drag queen who had a crush on him.

Also, "Lizzy" apparently knew that her brother might be gay but never said a thing. All she did was drop hints, here and there about him and his friends.
That very day I went to the health centre to take an HIV test. I was told to come back in a few days for the result. Meanwhile Al & I spoke only one when necessary...........when i got the results, i was so relieved and happy! It was negative!
Some how, believe it or not............Al & I got back together (Cant believe i was SO stupid!)
I still had my suspicions, but because i never physically caught him on top of any guy or because i never caught any guy on top of him, i didn't really fully accept the fact that he might be gay or Bi. We still went everywhere together (including gay clubs and even attending a pageant for Drag queens!)
Because i was so suspicious, i was always snooping, i found a whole notebook full of phone numbers of different guys and next to their names, the word "Top" or "Bottom" was scribbled.
I later came to find out while watching Oprah one day, that "Top" means the guy who prefers to do the penetration, while "Bottom" means the guy who prefers to be penetrated. I also read a book called "On the down low" by J.L King- It basically talks about him being "On the down low" as a Bisexual man
Even though i saw the signs, I just couldnt walk away. I've come to realize that it was a self esteem thing at the time and I also thought i could change him and make him straight again(No such luck). I eventually left the states after graduation in Dec 2004 and i now thank God i left. I asked him a couple of times if he was gay and he would get angry and we would argue......When i left, i called him a couple of times and we talked. In September 2005, i got a short email from him saying he missed me and so on.
In October 2005, i was talking to one of my sorority sisters on the phone and she told me that Al got married. I was shocked! I thought he would have had enough courage to come out of the closet! I was also surprised at the person he married, she was this rich bible beating chick who claimed to be his best friend while we were dating.
Forgive me for saying this, but she is so not the most attractive woman either. I suspect that he married her because he wanted to be taken care of. As creative as he was, he was lazy, i noticed he never could keep a job for long. I want to get some closure though, i need to get his number and talk to him, tell him that i knew all along , that i loved him a whole lot more than he loved me and he kept hurting me but i stayed and took it, I've forgiven him though for playing on my intelligence, for wasting my time............

As for my "Best friend" Lizzy, i haven't spoken to her since 2004 because we fell out- (A whole nother post). She finally got in touch with me through e-mail and sent me her number a few weeks ago. I'm going to call her soon. I need closure.

Labels: ,

Saturday, April 28, 2007

I cried today..........and other stories

I cried today, why? because i didn't get something i wanted. I wanted this thing oh so badly but didn't get it. I prayed to God about it all day everyday but i didn't get it. (Sorry cant reveal what IT is) My prayer was " God if its meant to be, let me get it" and i didn't get it. So i guess God knows best.

Now to the "other stories".............
1. ASUU is still on strike, so there has been no school for over month now.
2. According to one word meme- My ex is gay. I've been meaning to blog about this for a long time but I've been too lazy! So here goes..............

The place: My friend lizzy's room Somewhere near Detroit, Michigan
The time: Night time December 2002

I'm gisting with my "best" friend lizzy and flipping through her photo albums. I see a picture of a guy - I would have just turned the page but i couldn't, he was FOINE!!!. Over 6ft tall, light skinned(mixed race), green eyes, nice lips, perfect nose.............i could go on and on.............

So i ask Lizzy, "who is this? He's hella sexy!"
She laughs and says "That's my lil brother Alan."
Immediately she said that, I stopped drooling and continued flipping.

***************************FAST FORWARD TO JANUARY 2004********************

Lizzy (still my "best" friend then) knocks on my door. I yell "Come in", she steps in with HIM. "Meet Alan, he just registered here(University of XYZ)" .....
Im like "Hi, nice to meet u...what are u studying.........." and he replies. At this point, I didnt drool anymore, i just kinda looked at him as my friend's younger bro and it stopped there.

A week later, i was looking for one more class to add and it seemed like all the classes were full. I was having lunch with Lizzy, Alan and a bunch of other friends.........and i was grumbling about not finding a class to add......bla........bla ........bla and Alan says " Hey! There's a lot of space in my Intro to Psychology class, why dont u come check it out...................." I was

I checked the class and it seemed ok, so i signed up. Al and I started seeing more of each other in class and even started to sit next to each other. Naturally, we started gisting, I found out that though he was a freshman, he was 21 at the time..(I was 19 going on 20 at the time)........he didnt apply to college straight out of high school cos he wanted to attend an art school or something........Anyways..........we started to study together.............from there we started hanging cut the long story short....................we became STRONGLY attracted to each other.
Before we took it any further, I asked Lizzy if she had any objections and she said "Not at all, I'd rather he dates you than anyone else on campus, I know you, i know what you are about & so on.."
After receiving lizzy's blessing, we started dating. Alan was & is one of the most creative person i know, he could draw, paint, even do hair, yes HAIR! Al used to wash, dry , press & flat iron my hair. He was also my fashion consultant, he had a lot of fashion sense and we would go shopping together and he would help me put together some "Fierce" looks. Everything was cool, only that i noticed that a lot of his friends were gay. I thought it was odd but hey, i have nothing against homosexuals so.........we continued with our relationship.

One day i wanted to hang out with Al, i called him to make plans and he said he wouldnt be in his room until 10pm , i told him i'll be there around past 10. After he hung up, i felt really weird, i felt like he was lying to me do i decided to do some investigating. I passed by his room around 8pm and i heard the tv but the lights were off, i became even more suspicious because Al usually doesnt leave his tv on when he's out, so i went to persuade one of my friends who was an RA (Resident Assistant) to use her master key (she had a master key to all the rooms in the dorms). After a lot of pleading, i got the key and unlocked the door as quietly as possible. Al and some guy were sitting on his bed looking surprised as hell. They were sitting on the bed, clothes on, tv on but lights off!
Why the hell are two GROWN ASSMEN watching tv alone in a DARK room??
At this point, I was horrified and didnt know what to think! How would i explain why i was barging into his room! At the same time!! what the hell was he doing home! He wasnt supposed to be home till 10! It was just past 8!!! So i stood there, door ajar, mouth open..................

(To be continued)

Labels: ,

Sunday, April 15, 2007

One word Meme

1. Yourself: Ambitious
2. Your partner: Determined
3. Your hair: Thick
4. Your mother: Patient
5. Your father: Loving
6. Your favourite item: Ipod
7. Your dream last night: none
8. Your favourite drink: Malt
9. Your dream car: BMW
10. The room you are in: Freezing
11. Your ex: Gay
12. Your fear: Failure
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Successful
14. Who you hung out with last night: Parents
15. What you're not: Perfect
16. Muffins: Chocolate
17: One of your wish list items: Vacation
18: Time: Unstopable
19. The last thing you did: Drive
20. What you are wearing: Clothes
21. Your favourite weather: Sunny
22. Your favourite book: 2Many
23. The last thing you ate: Cake
24. Your life: Priviledged
25. Your mood: Anxious
26. Your best friend: BF
27. What you're thinking about right now: Food
28. Your car: Volvo
29. What you are doing at the moment: Typing
30. Your summer: Travelling
31. Your relationship status: Dating
32. What is on your TV: Greys Anatomy
33. What is the weather like: Hot
34. When was the last time you laughed: Recently


Friday, April 06, 2007

Posh and Becks

I'm sure you are like.............ok?

It all started last year, one of my friends called BF & I -Posh & Becks & it kind of stuck.
As my show was getting more and more popular, so was BF's clothing line. We also attended a lot of events together- The future awards, fashion for food, the thisday awards, The glo party @ lagoon, the MBGN pageant, basketmouth uncensored, Dare's album launch, the thisday music festival...........and so many others. You probably will not find our pics on purefoto cos im very shy and i try my best to avoid the whole red carpet thing. Plus i dont want city people all in my business.

This year, its been the future awards, hip hop world awards, MBGN 2007, Basketmouth uncensored, A fashion thingy @ Bacchus (where his work was displayed), A.Y LIVE and others......its just April! Plus we have seen every movie at the cinemas except the bollywood movies.

He's going to be on the cover of a mag soon, I'm going to be IN the mag.........he also provided some of the clothes for the male contestants in the top 10 of Idols west Africa.

Does the name fit? I think to an extent it does. It makes me chuckle every time i think about it...........This is such a weird random post abi?