The crazy thoughts in my head: I LOVE MY JOB/MY EX IS GAY PT2

The crazy thoughts in my head

The crazy things in my head

Monday, April 30, 2007

I LOVE MY JOB/MY EX IS GAY PT2

Since today is workers day, I decided to do this "I love my job/I hate my job thingy"
REASONS WHY I LOVE MY JOB
1. I can wear anything i want, i can wear jeans, ankara e.t.c (Even on a Monday morning)
2. You get to hear all the new songs first! & You are surrounded by all this music
3. You meet lots & lots of people, from celebrities to govt officials
4. People hear your voice more than they see you, so they start imagine all sorts of stuff, they start to imagine that you must "look like your voice".
5. You get to talk about whatever you want (To an extent)
6. The freebies, the many doors that open for you once you mention your name, endorsement deals and so on
7. The relationships & friendships that develop with so called "celebs" , get to hear their "gist" and then you remember that they are just human.
8. The fact that a particular thing you may have said or a song you played made someones day.

REASONS I SOMETIMES HATE MY JOB
1. Irregular hours
2. The fact that millions are listening and what I say might rub someone the wrong way/or when
i make a mistake on air and i imagine how many people heard my mistake!!!
3. The way some male "celebs" crack on you.
4. People who when they meet me & say...."oh....so you are so and so.......i thought you would be tall and fair (what the hell???)
5. Getting phone calls from all sorts of people..........up & coming artists...........people who got your number from God knows where & just want to say "hi"
6. People wrongly assuming you are swimming in cash.


Now back to My Ex is Gay pt2

At first i wanted to run, but i decided against stood my ground. I looked Al straight in the eye and said " I just wanted to get my stuff", i then grabbed a plastic bag and proceeded to stuff it with unnecessary stuff like my bathroom slippers, a DVD i left on the table and so on...............
Al finally said, "Meet my friend George, he just got into town", I turned to George and gave one of the most plastic smiles ever. I turned to Al and said, I'll see you later. My legs were shaking, i was sweating, i didn't know what to think. I went back to my room and sat by the window. Coincidentally, i had a view of the parking lot and i sat there for hours waiting, wishing & hoping Al would get into his car and drive "George" home, He didn't!

I decided to do some more investigation and i went to the Night watch desk (A security post situated at the entrance of the dorms, as from 8pm, all students are required to Sign In their guests, by writing their names at the register) Luckily, the person at the night watch desk was a friend as well, so she allowed me peek into the register, there was no record of Al's friend George! Meaning that Al and George had been in his room all along, even BEFORE 8pm!
Why did he have to lie if he had nothing to hide? Why didn't he say he was hanging out with his friend and he would see me later? I eventually went to bed and the next morning, i went to class without AL. At lunch time, i marched to his room, cos i couldn't take it anymore, i needed an explanation, I needed to hear something! even if it were a bunch of lies (Pathetic abi?)

He opened the door and the first thing he said was, "Why did u break into my room? What was that about?" I was like.........."Why did u lie?"

Al: I didn't lie, i just got back earlier than i was supposed to...........

Me: That's bull! I checked the register downstairs and it showed that you didn't register George, that means u were here all along, you were here when i called, why didn't you just....(He cuts me off)........

Al: Its obvious you don't trust me, spying on me like that..................(I cut him off)

Me: I wont spy if you don't lie! I wont spy, if you don't do suspicious stuff!

Al: I don't know why you don't trust me, especially with a guy! George is gay so what? A lot of my friends are gay! I'm so open with you, I'm so honest with you...........i usually never let anyone get this close, i take you out with me, i introduce you to my friends......gay or straight.........what else do you want from me...................(While he's ranting, i notice a mattress on the floor)

Me: What the hell?(Raising my voice) George spent the night?

Al: And? He slept on the floor if you must know!

Me: This is too much for me, I'll talk to you later!

(I storm out of the room, more confused than ever)

I started to feel sick, i then started to think and it was like scales fell from my eyes, everything started to click- Most, if not all Al's friends were gay or Bi, I had gone clubbing with them to some gay clubs and everyone seemed to know Al (even the drag queens!) As for the drag queens, That's another post entirely! Al was also very effeminate.
I had seen a couple of funny text messages on Al's phone from some chick named Tiffany. Only for Al to later tell me that "Tiffany" was also a drag queen who had a crush on him.

Also, "Lizzy" apparently knew that her brother might be gay but never said a thing. All she did was drop hints, here and there about him and his friends.
That very day I went to the health centre to take an HIV test. I was told to come back in a few days for the result. Meanwhile Al & I spoke only one when necessary...........when i got the results, i was so relieved and happy! It was negative!
Some how, believe it or not............Al & I got back together (Cant believe i was SO stupid!)
I still had my suspicions, but because i never physically caught him on top of any guy or because i never caught any guy on top of him, i didn't really fully accept the fact that he might be gay or Bi. We still went everywhere together (including gay clubs and even attending a pageant for Drag queens!)
Because i was so suspicious, i was always snooping, i found a whole notebook full of phone numbers of different guys and next to their names, the word "Top" or "Bottom" was scribbled.
I later came to find out while watching Oprah one day, that "Top" means the guy who prefers to do the penetration, while "Bottom" means the guy who prefers to be penetrated. I also read a book called "On the down low" by J.L King- It basically talks about him being "On the down low" as a Bisexual man
Even though i saw the signs, I just couldnt walk away. I've come to realize that it was a self esteem thing at the time and I also thought i could change him and make him straight again(No such luck). I eventually left the states after graduation in Dec 2004 and i now thank God i left. I asked him a couple of times if he was gay and he would get angry and we would argue......When i left, i called him a couple of times and we talked. In September 2005, i got a short email from him saying he missed me and so on.
In October 2005, i was talking to one of my sorority sisters on the phone and she told me that Al got married. I was shocked! I thought he would have had enough courage to come out of the closet! I was also surprised at the person he married, she was this rich bible beating chick who claimed to be his best friend while we were dating.
Forgive me for saying this, but she is so not the most attractive woman either. I suspect that he married her because he wanted to be taken care of. As creative as he was, he was lazy, i noticed he never could keep a job for long. I want to get some closure though, i need to get his number and talk to him, tell him that i knew all along , that i loved him a whole lot more than he loved me and he kept hurting me but i stayed and took it, I've forgiven him though for playing on my intelligence, for wasting my time............

As for my "Best friend" Lizzy, i haven't spoken to her since 2004 because we fell out- (A whole nother post). She finally got in touch with me through e-mail and sent me her number a few weeks ago. I'm going to call her soon. I need closure.
PLS FORGIVE ME IF THERE ARE MISTAKES OR IF THIS POST SEEMS A BIT CONFUSING- IT BROUGHT BACK SO MANY MEMORIES........................THERE ARE SO SO MANY OTHER SIGNS I SAW - SORRY I COULDN'T BLOG ABOUT ALL OF THEM, HAD TO CUT THE STORY SHORT

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18 Comments:

Blogger ExcitedJade said...

oga oh... lovely story,maybe Al is Bi... pele, thank God u have a wonderful man now. have a wonderful day.

2:35 AM  
Blogger Neo-Soul said...

All I can say is WHOA! You ahoud have seen my professor face as we sat and read this blog together. Do you feel you came out of the whold issue with him a stronger person?

8:19 AM  
Blogger ijeoma obu iheoma said...

interesting.. your job.. seems to have a lot of perks.. congratulations..

as per Al..
if he was in fact,one cannot blame him for his lack of resolve.. society certainly makes it difficult enough. i know a lot of guys that fight thier homosexuality on a regular basis.. na so life be.. hopefully minds will become more open

11:31 AM  
Blogger Kpakpando said...

I seriously wish people could be just who they are... I want to say i can't believe you went back to him, but I can believe it and I completely understand where that came from. SCARY.
The sister sef, somebody should conk her on the head.
Jade, i think he's just gay.

6:38 PM  
Blogger SET said...

Wow, thx for coming by my blog too. He is gay I must say and its ok that you stayed for we all make mistakes and learn from it. I suppose it will never happen again. him marrying a non attractive low self esteem chick is typical downlow man behavior. good u left the states and gotten over him for good.

8:34 AM  
Blogger NIGERIA POLITRICKS said...

Mehn, this dude is gay as a bat! I can smell him from afar even as I read this post from here...Wonder why u need closure tho'? It sounds like u'r trying to be vindictive! You want some kind of a payback to all the wrongs he did to you. I can understand where you're coming from, but you need to let go, get some healing from within and move on. Besides, this dude is pathological lier...wonder if he can ever tell you the truth with a straight face if you eventually get to talk to him. You should be glad you're far away from him now. And your behind definitely needs to be on schedule for a periodic AIDS test!!!

10:47 AM  
Blogger snazzy said...

i just want to say that I was very educated about the joys of matresses this morning and I just wanted to share it with someone. I will never think about the number 18 the same way again.

10:48 AM  
Blogger Bella Naija said...

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
This gist was rather hectic...
Oh well, good u left the states when u did unless u might have continued going back to the dude...
he is mos def gay or bi...the notebook def confirms that!
Wow!

3:32 PM  
Blogger Justme said...

@ neo-soul- yes definitely
@politricks- of course the bastard would lie, dont worry i have had 2 other HIV tests since then and im glad to say im negative!
@snazzy- Huh?

10:55 PM  
Blogger Naijadude said...

Hmm ooh well nice story but I am still not convinced Al is gay or bi. You know better and I am pretty sure if someone that has a good gaydar sees him in person might detect it,him being gay or bi mos def, that is. I am still not convinced by ur narration that he's gay!....

Ooh well life goes on, you are negative and u moved on with life? Sweetie, aint nothing better than that

8:17 AM  
Blogger Bitchy said...

Just be thankful you're not the one he's married to. After his time with you, he's probably learned to cover his tracks a little better, so that top/bottom notebook is hidden in a toilet cabinet in the guestroom of his new marital home.

The big clue with a guy in the closet is not necessarily him having loadsa gay friends, but loadsa gay guys fancying him. If its one, you can say its a fluke. But trannies etc? Dude was GAY!

12:10 PM  
Blogger Mamarita said...

Like Naija dude said, am not convinced your ex is gay, he might have just been curious. Or he might have just been attracted to what he did not understand "homosexuality" and he might have wanted to try it out for kicks.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Justme said...

To all- Im not angry or hurt because Al is/was/or might be gay/bi. Im angry cos i feel i was used a cover, im hurt cos of the unrequited love, but I've let go (At least i think i have)

I have a very good gaydar and the first few times i met him, i thought he was gay but i guess i was too blinded by his looks

12:44 AM  
Blogger 9jamommy said...

Wow.....that's crazy, a whole bunch of gay friends, gay guys spending the night? oh hell naw!!!!! Well you learn something new everyday, that must have been very very painful, good to know you're over it, or at least getting over it.

1:49 AM  
Blogger In my head and around me said...

I don't listen to radio so I haven't evven heard of you before. Will tune in.

7:38 PM  
Blogger In my head and around me said...

Meant to also comment about Al.

My sister's colleague who is rumored to be gay got married recently. His people pressured him after years on getting on his case about how a man that is almost 40 years old should not remain unmarried.

what it means: He has made someone a title holder and has gone on with his life.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Lola said...

Just Me.....seriously i keep popping back here expecting you to say hahaha.....PSYCH! but i haven't seen it. this story is quite interesting...it reads like a movie!

Forget the closure. you don't need to speak to dude to get closure, but if you have unresolved feelings, either anger or love or whatever, try to accept it for what it is, don't beat urself up for feeling that way, and slowly try to move away from the emotion. You don't need the guy to do all that.

12:58 AM  
Blogger disgodkidd said...

hey girl, i dont listen much to the radio. but to hear you, i tune in in the mornings. but he talks too much, and i hardly hear you. what time is your own show where i can hear only you?

9:24 PM  

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